


Thou Shalt Not Steal

by unrealityfreak



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hopeful Ending, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:30:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrealityfreak/pseuds/unrealityfreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade is a god. She has awesome powers and is currently using them to hurl a ship through limbo toward another universe. But John is sneaking out at night more and more often, and she doesn't think she's equipped to deal with the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thou Shalt Not Steal

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by IAMX's Your Joy Is My Low
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-lKpFUH_cI

Jade isn't stupid.

She knows that things have changed lately. It's been nearly three years, and they have been stranded on a flying ship hurtling through wherever-they-are with only each other and five planetfuls of consorts for company. All three kids have gone through changes implemented by both the game and their own bodies. They're a little restless and kind of lost and Jade notices a lot more than she lets on.

So, so quietly, John is sneaking out of their room. He had waited until he thought she was asleep, and then a little longer, but she saw this coming. There's no way she could sleep tonight. Thus she's fully conscious of the click of the door closing, and after a moment she sits up in the darkness to stare after him.

Jade is the witch of space. She could probably just strand one or the other of them on a miniaturised planet and have done with the whole issue. But she loves them both, and she wants them both in her life. John is her _brother._ The only family she's ever known to walk around and talk to her and _hold_ her. He gives her random hugs sometimes, just comes right up beside or behind her and squeezes her medium-strength; not enough to hurt her, but tight enough to say I love you. I'll protect you. I'm here.

And then there's Davesprite. Her knight, with strong arms and stoic expression and no no no he isn't hers, never has been and _certainly_ isn't now.

She brings her knees up to her chest, wraps her arms around her bent legs, and buries her face in her skirts. She's fighting so hard to control her breathing and then she remembers that they're both on the other end of the ship. That they put as much distance between themselves and their friend/sister as they possibly can on these nights. So she stops trying to hold it back, lets the sobs tear through her and shake her body, lets her face become smeared and wet, releases the screams of hopeless frustration into the empty room to echo around the walls and stab back at her, accusing.

When she finally runs out of tears, throat sore from making so many pathetic sounds, she slowly uncurls and stands. Wipes her face on her sleeves and takes a couple deep breaths. Crosses the room. Opens the door.

She's not sure what she means to accomplish. She just knows she's sick of feeling betrayed and alone. So she sets off down the hallway.

Minutes later she hears soft sounds coming from behind a closed door and starts to reconsider. Fueled by anguish and thoughts of some kind of justice, she had been so driven to confront them. And now all she can think is how beautiful those sounds are. How happy they must be together, wrapped up in each others' skin behind that door.

When she finally stumbles back into her and John's room, she has to turn right back around to find the bathroom and hug porcelain as her body rejects her last meal along with her warring emotions.

***

Days pass and she is able to hold herself more or less together. John is the same as ever, pulling her to the computer room to play Ghostbusters or playing relatively harmless pranks in continuation of the small prank battle the two of them have been waging against each other for two and a half years. Davesprite floats around acting unaffected and snarking with both of them when he's not in the crow's nest of the ship, which he has made into an actual nest. He's brought her up there before, and his collection of shit is actually pretty comfortable.

The consorts are constantly underfoot, and sometimes she will just stop and pick one up, spinning it around like a small child and making faces at it and telling it how _adorable_ it is. Half the time they enjoy it, and the other half they flip out and flail in her arms until she releases them and sends them along with one last pat on the head.

When she remembers her grandpa, she goes up to the ship's wheel and just touches it. If she weren't afraid of messing something up and sending them off course, she would turn it, to feel it give under her will and obey her. Not that the ship isn't already doing exactly what she wills it to, but her grandpa had a much more direct relationship between himself and his powerful vessel.

John will normally leave her alone for a while when he finds her here, but eventually he'll come up and begin to roleplay with her. Taking the lead as a pirate aiming to steal all the wonderful treasure she's accumulated, he coaxes her into a role that is not her own, and while she's pretending with him she forgets that he truly has stolen a treasure from her.

***

One day she finds Davesprite curled up in his wings under a desk in the computer room. It's empty for once, and she's grateful, because now she can be alone with him. Settling onto the floor next to the desk, she reaches out to gently touch the end of his wispy tail. It's solid and slightly cool, and it twitches under her fingertips before moving to wind itself around her wrist. She giggles at the sensation and suddenly his tail is gone from her skin, his wings pulled back to reveal his startled expression.

Davesprite curses softly under his breath when he sees her face fall, reaching a hand toward her hesitantly. Mustering up all her courage, she puts on a face. "No, it's okay if you don't want to be touched." She knows that's not it. "I can just sit over here!" She scoots back a foot or so, putting a nice thick barrier of awkwardness between them. He nods slightly and moves to turn his body toward her, hunching a little in the limited space. Girl and sprite sit silently for an endless moment, she cross-legged and he with his tail coiled underneath him; staring.

Too soon she starts to feel the ache that comes from wearing a fake smile. She keeps it there for the sake of the game they're playing. Who can go the longest without revealing their secrets and losing their mind? Worst game ever.

Finally the silence is broken by Davesprite, who whispers, "I'm sorry."

Suddenly in terrible danger of crying again, Jade shakes her head. "What do you even have to be sorry for, that's a silly thing to say." Her heart isn't in it and she knows he can hear it in her voice. But he takes her cue and shrugs one shoulder, pretending he can't see how she's falling apart.

For close to twenty minutes she manages to spew complete nonsense and he answers her questions and replies to her comments and injects his own brand of snark until she simply cannot fake it anymore. As much as she longs to be close to him, it's more obvious than ever that he doesn't belong to her, and she can see how tragically sorry he is written across his stupid blank face right next to his love for John in bright neon. She excuses herself politely, almost reaches out to touch him, maybe to hug him goodbye, and then realises how vastly idiotic that would be. She nearly runs out the door.

***

After her last disastrous encounter with Davesprite, she locks herself in her room for two nights, hiding under the sheets and ignoring John's worried inquiries. On the second night he leaves again.

She's miserable and brokenhearted and literally snarling for revenge after that. Part of her can see how stark raving mad she's gone, and knows it's completely unfair of her to be so cruel to these boys she loves.

When John has been gone for five minutes, she untangles herself from the bedsheets and takes one firm, determined step after another in the direction she's sure he went. This time she has a plan. She's going to walk in on them while they're making out or rutting against each other or John is getting his dick sucked and she's going to watch them scramble to separate and babble excuses or apologies and she's going to stand there. And burn them with her quiet rage. And then she's going to walk away, and let them marinate in guilt, knowing that she knows.

Nothing can go wrong. It is the perfect plan. She is a woman scorned and she will have retribution even if she has to hurt people.

Striding up to the door she has tracked the sounds to with her hella keen dog ears, she takes the knob and—

Deep sobs from the other side stop her dead in her tracks. Slowly the boiling anger in her chest subsides, and she clears her mind of its steely obsession to focus on whatever is happening between the boys that is obviously not sex.

What is even happening to her life.

She can hear soothing shooshing noises, but neither of them is talking now, so she can't tell who is crying and who is comforting. Then sniffling, and John is definitely the one saying, "Goddammit." Shuffling sounds tell her that someone is moving around, and for a moment she's afraid they'll catch her eavesdropping, but then the shuffling settles down and John's voice is muffled when he speaks again.

"She just fucking takes it. She walks around pretending she doesn't know where I'm going at night and she keeps trying to make it work. Did you know she actually stopped hugging me back? I think she hates me. Like, really, truly hates me for what I've done to her. And I can't fix it. I can't just... there aren't any fucking take-backs on falling in love, right? So now what, we just act like we haven't been screwing behind my sister's back when she's in love with you and oh my god I am the shittiest brother." By the end of his rant his voice is mangled with tears, and he loses it on the word "brother," sobbing even harder than before.

Jade realises Davesprite must have told John about what happened between them. She pictures him holding John close, fingers rubbing circles into his back and carding through his hair as he bawls into the orange feathers on his friend's neck.

Her hand is still on the knob. She withdraws it as if she's been shocked, cradling it to her chest as she slumps to the floor. Her eyes are wide and filled with confusion as she stares at the crack under the door.

Davesprite's reassuring noises seem to be reducing the sobs, and now it's quiet enough that he can speak. "Hey, no, look at me. Stop crying, you're ruining that pretty face." John laughs once, weakly. "You might have fucked up with Harley, but you've made me happy. That's the whole reason this mess started, because you were trying to fix _me._ So if anyone's gonna take the blame for any of this shit, no, shut up. Just fucking listen. If anyone's gonna take the blame then it's me. I knew how she felt about me and I chose you anyway. And I'm sorry for how fucked up I was about my past. I really did try to keep that away from you. You don't deserve for me to put my shit on you, oh my god, John, if you keep looking at me like that I am gonna punch you in the snout."

John mumbles into something that Jade assumes are feathers, and she can make out the words "...really happy?"

Davesprite laughs bitterly. "For what it's worth, yeah. Hell, just hanging out with you made me happy, before we even started messing around. I fucking love you, John."

Jade feels sick. She shouldn't be listening to this. Her feelings are a violent tangle in her stomach, her chest, her throat. Wax is filling her head, or something, because she can't think properly anymore.

John says "I love you too," so softly, and then she hears them kiss once and fall dead silent. John is clambering to his feet and walking toward her. Only then does she realise that she had choked out a sob at their kiss. By the time she thinks to run, it's too late, and John is standing over her, clutching the door and looking terrified.

"Uh. Hey. Jade." His stammering makes her put her hands to her face and choke down another noise of mortification and pain. Warm pressure spreads on her shoulder and she looks up through her tears to see John on one knee, a hand on her shoulder and his expression torn. She doesn't think, she launches herself the short distance between them and hugs him tight to herself, babbling "You're not a shitty brother, I could never hate you, I love you so much."

Davesprite is sitting a few feet behind John. His glasses are off (he trusts John _that much ___) and his pupils are blown, wings flared slightly in fear and surprise at being caught. Swallowing more tears, she blinks once at him and turns her face into John's neck. She can't deal with everything all at once like this.

Lightly, John is pulling her to stand with him. He is a wreck, his face red and eyes puffy from crying, a small fluffy feather stuck to one cheek from where he was pressed against Davesprite. Jade wonders if she looks that horrible. He leads her down the hall with one arm wrapped protectively around her waist. She's so glad Davesprite doesn't follow them.

***

When they reach their bedroom, John's face is set into a kind of sad determination. He closes the door and pulls her down onto his bed. She lets herself be arranged against him, her legs tucked up under her skirt and one shoulder leaned into John's chest. It's like he can't decide if he wants to cuddle her or face her, and they end up at a sort of in-between, John leaning back against the wall and biting the inside of his cheek as he thinks of what he wants to say.

Before he can start, she leans up to kiss him tentatively on the jaw. He heaves a small, tearless sob. "God, Jade, I thought you would never forgive me. I was so scared I'd fucked everything up."

She chooses not to respond, because she can't say that she forgives him. He reads that in her expression and looks away.

"You'll always be my brother," she reminds him. Reassures him. "I'll always love you. But... _why?_ Why did you have to _take_ him?"

He sniffs and removes one hand from around her waist to bat at his nose. It doesn't return to her, so she fiddles with the fingers on his other one.

"Dave went through a lot. In his timeline. He really beat himself up about not being able to save me, and he tried to take the blame for a lot of other stuff that went wrong back then. In order to go back he also had to leave his Rose behind. To him, that was like killing her himself. His own sister." Jade can certainly relate. She doesn't know _what_ she would do with herself if John died. Permanently, not the temporary death of god tier. She squeezes his fingers, and he squeezes back.

"Being stuck here for three years with just the two of us... He saw how much fun we always have together, and we never ignored him or anything but he always sort of felt left out. Because his sister is on a meteor somewhere in non-space and he can't even talk to her.

"And then there's... his new body. And how you never call him by his name."

Jade pushes herself into a more upright position and twists to fully face John, her eyes wide. "What do you mean by that?"

The boy winces. "His name is Dave. Not Dave _sprite,_ " he says gently. "He feels like you don't think of him as a real person."

She gapes at him. "But I love him! How could I not—"

"Jade, shoosh," he insists, grabbing her by the shoulders. "That's just how he feels about it. When do emotions ever make sense?"

Placated, if only a little, Jade sighs and settles back into her brother's arms. "Everything sucks," she whines.

He pushes his forehead to the top of her head, nodding in enthusiastic agreement.

"So, then..." she starts, biting her lip. "How did you two..."

He blushes and buries his face deeper in her (really soft, wow) hair. "That, um, fuh..." he chokes out, and she smiles a little despite herself. "We, ah, we hung out a lot and stuff, and after a while he started talking about how much he missed me. When I died." He pauses to clear his throat and move his face away so she can twist to face him again. "And then we got a little older and ho... rmones. Started kicking in." He can speak no more. She giggles at him as he covers his face with his free hand.

"So, effectively," she begins, only the smallest amount of bitterness creeping into her playful tone, "You stole the guy I love because you were horny."

Bright blue eyes peek out from over his hand, wide as they can go. He starts shaking his head before he remembers to take his hand away. "No no no, I would never, that's so stupid. I just mean, uh, fuck. I sort of started to have feelings? Because he was talking about his feelings and stuff. And it just felt right when we first... you know."

Jade's head is slowly spinning. Her brother is such a dork, such an innocent sweetheart, and _so cute_ when he's flustered, but he is talking about something that he had done that had effectively ruined her life. Too many emotions are clamoring around in her chest, she can't settle on one. For a long time, she is silent, and John fidgets with the end of his hood, waiting. Then she sighs and rolls away from him, hopping off the bed before turning back to look him hard in the eye.

"I want you to go back and tell Davesp—" she makes a face. "Dave. That I don't hate either of you. And I can't stop you from being together, if you love each other. Which you obviously do." Fighting to keep the sadness out of her voice, she draws herself up to her full height. "We're sixteen years old. Well, you're still technically fifteen but still. We're old enough to handle our emotions." John gazes up at her, hopeful. "I'm still not... a hundred percent okay with all this. But I'm not gonna be a bitch about it. And when we meet up with everyone else, I'm gonna tell _that_ Dave how I feel about him. So you can stay with this one. And be happy." She's beginning to tear up again by the end of her speech, and John gets off the bed to hug her tight. Not hard enough to hurt her, but enough to say I love you, I'll protect you, I'm here.

Jade hugs her brother back and wonders if she can really keep it together for the remaining months until they meet up with the rest of their friends. She pictures Dave's face, soft cream instead of orange. His body fully formed and featherless. Remembers holding his younger body on LOFAF as he bled out and died. That Dave has more memories of her than of John. She grabs hold of that thought, locks it up in her heart, and begins to let go of the pain.


End file.
